So apparently, being a parent is hazardous to your health.
A few weeks ago, the U.S. surgeon general declared the ailing mental health of parents be an urgent public health issue. “Being a dad is the toughest and most rewarding job I’ve ever had,” Dr. Vivek Murthy wrote in his health advisory to the nation.
In a nutshell, Dr. Murthy emphasizes that parenting is both integral for the health of children and the health of society but warned that parental stress is being passed onto their children. And now, parents are experiencing new stressors atop the already daunting tasks of protecting their children from harm, managing finances, and navigating the uncertainties teenagers face through adolescence and into young adulthood.
In the United States, some 63 million parents live with children under age 18. That number does not include the millions serving as non-parental caregivers. As of 2023, 33 percent of parents reported high levels of stress in the past month compared to 20 percent of other adults; 48 percent of parents say that most days their stress is completely overwhelming compared to 26 percent among other adults.
A multitude of responsibilities is weighing heavy on parental mental health, including financial strain, economic instability, and poverty; excessive demands on time and energy; children’s health and safety; parental isolation and loneliness; technology and social media; cultural pressures and future unknowns.
Dr. Murthy also writes that, as parents feel they are not meeting expectations – either self- or socially imposed, they internalize that stress as shame, leading to a vicious cycle where shame and stress build upon one another. “Chasing these unreasonable expectations,” Dr. Murthy writes, “has left many families feeling exhausted, burned out, and perpetually behind.”
Obviously something needs to change for the well-being of parents, caregivers and children.
Many adults feel undervalued for the work they do in raising children, especially if they choose parenting over full-time work outside the home. The surgeon general wants to put paid work and parenting on an equal playing field, writing, “We must recognize the importance of parenting and reflect it in how we prioritize resources, design policy, shape work environments, and approach our conversations with parents.”
A simple-yet-powerful response is giving parents and caregivers the ability and opportunity to talk about their child-rearing challenges. Speaking openly and candidly about those struggles — physical, social, and emotional — helps flush out the shame and guilt that too many parents bear. In the midst of an epidemic of loneliness, which the surgeon general last year recognized, what’s needed is a culture of connection among parents: Coming together, exchanging experiences and ideas, and supporting each other to improve parental and child well-being.
Creating a culture of connection is what the apostle Paul envisions in his letter to the Romans. Listen for the Word of the Lord.
We who are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Each of us must please our neighbor for the good purpose of building up the neighbor.
For Christ did not please himself; but, as it is written, “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.” For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, so that by steadfastness and by the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope.
May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in harmony with one another, in accordance with Christ Jesus, so that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Welcome one another, therefore, just as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God. (Romans 15:1-7)
“Bear the infirmities of the weak,” Paul commands.
“Bearing” – lifting up another from a particular position, as with one’s hands; lending a hand with anything burdensome or difficult to manage; serving as a source of supply and support, provision and healing.
“Infirmities” –incapability, qualms and misgivings; physical weariness and mental fatigue coming as the result of a conscience bound to legalistic requirements and unrealistic expectations.
“The weak” – those who for whatever reason lack ability, power, or capability.
It surely feels like the Church has a role to play in “bearing the infirmities of the weak” – including coming alongside beleaguered parents and walking with them on their long, hard slog. And indeed we do!
In a few minutes, we will move to the font for the baptism of Grady Meyer. I will turn to his mom and dad, Connor and Bryton, and ask them to declare their intent to nurture Grady in the life of the Christian community and to expect the gracious, patient help of family and friends in passing on the faith to their boy. Then I will turn to the rest of the congregation and seek your promise to uphold and support Grady and his parents through your generous offerings of time, talent, and treasure.
These are not mere ceremonial questions asked and answered for the sake of rite and ritual. They are renewals of our promise and commitment to bear one another’s burdens – to ease one another’s challenges, and thus fulfill the commandment that Jesus calls the greatest: “Love one another as I have loved you.”
In love, Jesus on the Cross bore the sin and brokenness of our weakness and infirmity. And our loving response to such amazing grace is bearing the burdens of friend, neighbor, and stranger, which definitely includes those laboring to carry out the holy work of parenting.
Hang in there, moms and dads. You are not alone. There are folks here “who see how much love, and care, and heart it takes to bring your whole self back into the world. And we will walk beside you here for as long as it takes.”
“Welcome one another, therefore, just as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.”
The Word of the Lord. Thanks be to God.
Pastor Grant M. VanderVelden shared this message during worship on Sunday, October 27, 2024, at First Presbyterian Church in Waukon, Iowa, USA. The service included celebrating the sacrament of baptism.